1501st post

I think I'm gonna do it. I think I'm really gonna do it. I'm going to ask her what she thinks. Not really a big jump but it's pretty big to me. I've done this more than I can count, in the stupidest ways possible, to the people im confused as to how ive even had feelings for, But now I'm gonna do it again, this time with someone different. and I'm kind of afraid.

Not counting this moment right here, I think ive only fallen in love once. Like, deeply. But back then, deep was pretty shallow. Didn't know what it meant to fall in love last time. I think it's kind of, picturing yourself with the person, and picturing yourself happy with the flaws. I don't know what love its, honestly. It just is. And I've fallen in it.

Come to think of it, how deep was deep last time anyway. Nothing more than giving the girl you love a card, with drawings that you would burn now, and spilling your feelings with half assed words that wouldn't mean a thing to any girl at this age, but with good intentions. But that's the best any 13 year old could come up with, I'm sure. Or at least one that was love struck.

Intentions wre still the same tho, I've always loved marriage. Maybe love is when you see yourself at the church as you take her hand from her father's, and put the ring on her finger (cause you liked it :B). Or maybe its the idea of growing old with the person, watching your favorite teevee series over and over till you finish each other's scripted endings. Hell, who knows. Maybe it's just the idea of walking on the beach, hand in hand, never wanting any moment with the beloved to end.

I've fallen in love with her. She's so beautiful in every way, I don't know how. Magnificent, funny, loving. Hilarious little thing, this heart. It instantly turns someone who you find so much fault in into something you find so attracting with a simple push called love. Removes so many flaws, reveals so many hidden ones in return, and even then still shows the counters to it. How funny, I'm so willing to live with all these. Must be all the love. Like a drug. Haha kesha you stupid.

I'm in love. Deep deep love. And I can't contain it. She'll know soon. I hope she's prepared. I hope she knows what to say. I hope I myself know what to say. I hope we'll know what to do about it. I need to be smart about this. We need to be smart in this. But Im stupid. What now. Hahahah. I don't want to go in and come out with nothing, yet I dont want to lose my best friend at the same time.

Oh words. Please come out right, you always seem to let me down somehow, please not this time, I'm begin ya bro. Please tell her that I love her, and that I am willing to wait if she isn't ready or doesn't see me fit, that im willing to try change little by little, step by step,, that I don't mind if she doesn't see me as someone she wants. And heart, please follow the head's lead on this one, do what you promise her, she means a lot to me man, and PLEASE stop playing games with my head. It needs sleep too. Instead, come out with the words. Ladies love hearty words. Hahaha.

Oh love.

Fin~